


In my mind

by Turntech-carcino (Themortalhalfbloodgames)



Category: Homestuck, Pacific Rim (2013)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Pacific Rim Fusion, M/M, One Shot, Self-Indulgent
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-18
Updated: 2016-08-18
Packaged: 2018-08-09 12:31:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,687
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7801957
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Themortalhalfbloodgames/pseuds/Turntech-carcino
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dave Strider has not drifted with anyone since the incident that left him a bit shaken. He gets a new partner and things don't actually start on the best of terms.</p>
            </blockquote>





	In my mind

**Author's Note:**

> I'll say this right now, this is _extremely_ self indulgent. Pacific Rim happens to be my favorite movie and I wanted a fic with some davekat jaeger pilots in the mix. Since I was only able to find one fic, I decided to make my own to add to the mix.

The first time you ever drifted with Karkat Vantas, he punched you in the jaw. Smoothly and without warning.

“You want to think about my ass? Do it in your own fucking time you tentacle sucker, not when you’re in my brain!” He spat at you as you rubbed your jaw. He’d done it so quickly you didn't even have time to process what had happened.

Your pilot technician laughs at you when you spit out some blood. Your technician, who happens to be your brother, is a fucking asshole.

“Thanks a lot, Dirk.” You say as you pass next to him shoving at his shoulder with your own. The blood dribbles down on your chin and you swipe it off with the back of your hand.

“I wasn’t the one who made you mentally fondle your copilots ass.” He turns to his assistant or as you call him his “ass-sistent”, Jake English, a foreign fellow recently transferred into the base and into your brothers pants. They write down your results which, contrary to popular belief, seem to be pretty good. Looks like you won't be getting a transfer partner.

You need to speak to someone who isn't judgemental, fast. There's some shitstorm waiting to happen in your brain and you gotta vent this shit like some nuclear gas leak.

“Yo, nerd. You seen your cousin?” You ask Jake who turns towards you and shrugs. John and Jake are technically not even related but they've known each other for so long they act like family.

“He might be in the lab, chum. Jade arrived last week and you know how they get.”

You nod and get the fuck out of the neural training facility and towards the cafeteria. No point in going to see John, he's probably absorbed in whatever knew discovery Jade has brought over.

 

“Davey! Heard your new copilot punched your lights out.” Roxy bounces on her toes as she approaches you and you groan.

“He did _not_ punch my lights out. He just caught me off guard.” You rub your chin feeling the faint sting of his punch. You absentmindedly run the back of your hand under your nose.

“Dirk says you were feeling him up in the neural handshake.” Rose walks up to your side and you groan again.

“Oh great, tweedledee and tweedledum. Shouldn’t you two be getting ready for your simulation drop?” You slide into the cafeteria table and they take a seat at your side.

“Tests for our jaeger were… postponed. Apparently Kanaya feels as she can still tweak some minor errors of the Dark Wizard.”

“Huh. I thought she had already eliminated every flaw it had.” 

“Mechanically yes, she means aesthetic errors.” Roxy pops a chip in her mouth and shrugs.

“Well that’s Kanaya for ya… How’s the commander taking her setbacks?” 

“Dolorosa has given her a time frame. She has 72 hours to do as much as she pleases. After that we’re back in gear.” Roxy winks at you and you sigh.

“So how about Dirk? He set with the Red Fury?”

“Last time I checked, he was just running rudimentary tests on it but they all seem clear. The only thing we’re waiting on is-”

“For you to get you shit in place? Yes, I imagine he might be quite pissed by that.” Rose says as she flips a page of her book.

“Ha-ha, fuck you.” She smirks without looking up from her book and somehow that manages to piss you off even more. Honestly there is no sense of comradery between family anymore, is there?

______________________________________________________________

The fifth time you drifted with Karkat, you let your memories go. The neural bridge pulled you in and you relived the experience of watching your friend go blind.

 

It was as shitty as the first time it happened. Even though it was just a memory, a very old and faded memory, it still hurt you as much as it hurt her. The Kaiju’s acid dripped off the walls and her helmet melted around her head. You watch her tug it off but it was too late. The blue goo had fallen into her eyes and she desperately tried to rub it off while the pain burned her sight away.

“Dave! Come on, dick breath! This isn't happening, this is just a memory get a hold of yourself.” You can hear Karkat’s voice, feel his hand on your shoulder as he shakes you to get your attention but the echo of the pain is too strong.

“Terezi, I'll get help just hold on!” You reach for the safety on the suit to try to get to her but she screams at you.

“No! You can't move, you know the rules, Dave! Get help, call Dirk! It's too late to do anything.” She looks up and you can see the bleakness in her eyes. It's done, the damage is done.

“Dave, come on it’s over. This isn't happening, you need to let go.” You flinch when Karkat turns you toward him. He looks tired and concerned.

“System disengaged. Neural bridge unsuccessful. Simulation failed, would you like to try again?” The robotic voices jerks you back to reality. You tug your helmet off and throw it on the floor.

“What did the helmet ever do to you?” Karkat picks it up while he pulls his own off.

You stare at your hands trying to scrub away the image of the blood on your hands where you tried to claw off Terezi’s acid stained suit. The acid had fallen on your shoulder and burned through the plastic, successfully burning into you skin. The marks were visible even now after years of medical treatment. You unconsciously rub at it.

“Stridork, are you still in this planet or are you deliberately ignoring me? If so, fuck you. If not, fuck you as well.” 

“Fuck off, dude. I’m fine everything's fine, so fucking fly how fine this shit it. So stick your mother-hen feelings up where they came from and shove off. I don’t need you to start feeling sorry for me. All we have to do is work together.” You shove his shoulder on the way out feeling riled up and angry. Why are you even angry at him? Fucked up as it seems, you _want_ him to get pissed off at you and pick a fight. Maybe get back at him for the first hit he gave you a month ago but surprise, surprise, Karkat decides to be a compassionate human-being with you today of all days.

“Alright, Strider. You’re mad, I get it. I’ll see you a briefing later.” He has the fucking audacity to pat your shoulder on the way out and you grit your teeth. 

You watch him leave with a two finger salute at Dirk and Jake. You decide to head towards your room and not have lunch that day. You’re tired, angry and shaken. That memory hadn’t resurfaced in a long time. Terezi was even fine now. She was living with her sister in some place in Japan both working as recruiters for the Jaeger program. She was fine, so why couldn’t you let the memory go?

A knock on your door shakes you awake. You grumble as you stumble to open the vault door, kicking away bottles of juice and cables. You’ve never been really tidy but you’ve recently gotten worse. It’s not like the commander is going to come have tea in your room so you really can’t be bothered.

“Wha- Karkat?” The brunette is standing at your door scratching the back of his neck awkwardly and holding out a tray of food in your direction.

“I figured you’d be hungry after skipping lunch and dinner. I had Dirk tell me what you eat because I’m pretty sure salads aren’t your cup of tea.” He gives you such an awkward smile that you feel your chest clench. 

“You got mac n’ cheese? Hell yeah hand that tray over here. Wait, did you say I missed dinner? Jesus on a broomstick, how long was I out? Shit.” You pluck the tray out of his hands and head inside leaving your door open, “Well don’t just stand there dude, come on in to Casa la Strider.” You shove half an apple in your mouth and gestures for him to come in. He walks into your room awkwardly looking around out of the corner of his eyes taking in the disaster that is your home.

“Sorry ‘bout the mess dude but I wasn’t expecting you to come by. Bet your place is much more cleaner than this.” You say around the food you keep sticking in your mouth.

He looks around, “Not really, my room might be worse. Depending on the day and my mood.” He kicks a wad of paper towards the trash can and sits on your desk chair. He turns in it while you shove spoonfuls of mashed potatoes in your mouth. 

“So uh, this is what you do?” He says looking up at the sketches and photos you have pinned on your wall. Said wall is covered in coal sketches and oil paintings you’ve hung up. The photographs are old, some from when you still lived in Texas, others are new. “Dave… Is this me?” Your eyes snap quickly to where he’s pointing and oh shit. You forgot about that one. You sketched it the day Karkat laughed at his brother falling face first into the river surrounding the dome. You had whipped out your sketchbook and quickly captured his face.

“Mhmm. Yeah, it is.” You swallow your food with much difficulty trying to measure his reaction. He doesn’t look mad just… confused?

He looks at it curiously and then turns to look at you with a straight face, “Can I have it?”

“Excuse me? Dude, that’s rather shit I’m sure I could make something better if you actually want it just give me a few days or so and I can get something decent out of that.” You offer.

“No, this is fine. I like this one. It’s fine if you don’t want to, I know some people give even their shittiest works of art sentimental value-”

“Haha! No dude, it has no sentimental value for me!” You swear his face drops a little when you say that.

“Then what’s the problem in giving it to me?” He frowns.

“Fine, you can have it dude just lemme-” You move off your bed pull the tape off the back of the drawing. You blow off the dust and hand it over to Karkat who gives you a small smile and nods.

“Thanks. I don’t have any pictures of my life before coming here especially not any with me smiling. It’d be nice to send my dad something so he can keep.” He stays silent as he looks at the sketch although his eyes seem unfocused. You have half a mind to just lean over and pat his shoulder but decided against it.

“So what was life for you before coming here?” You ask casually.

“Huh? Oh, you mean before joining the program.” He fidgets with his fingers and sighs, “My dad was a freedom fighter. He fought against the Jaeger program. Said it wasn't fair to take children and separate them from their parents just to have the prepared for the future. Kankri and I aren't pledges, we were recruited. Kankri was followed since he was young; he had a knack for solving problems and getting things done right.” 

“The perfect war operator.” You murmured. Karkat nodded.

“I, on the other hand, was good with connecting with people. Don't give me that look, dick breath. Just because I'm aggressive doesn't mean I don't have a read on people.” He bumps your shoulder with his own and you chuckle.

“So you're the perfect co-pilot. One hundred percent compatible with anyone. Sounds like you were perfect candidates.” 

“We were. But it was _our_ decision to come here. We weren't forced to pledge our service. People don't always get that choice, Dave. Sometimes people are forced into this line of action without consent. It must be shit.” He sighs and shakes his head. “I sound like my dad. I didn't always agree with him but this, this I understand. People should be able to choose.” 

“I didn't get to choose. My older brother, he pledged my service along with my other brother’s. He got quite a sum in return, they say. I haven't seen the asshole around so I wouldn't know.” You give him a lopsided smile as he frowns.

“Fuck, Dave. And here I was running my fucking mouth about how shit it must be to be a pledge and here you are forced into service by your own brother. That's messed up.” He swallows loudly and clenches his hands. “He was your own brother. Family doesn't do that.”

“He wasn't family. He was some teenage dick who got stuck with two small kids. His easiest way out was to shuck us out of his life. Hey, no complains here. I'm sure we’re way better off.” You shrug. You never felt much love towards Bro. He was always a shady memory, some guy who appeared in the background of your childhood memories. You wish you could at least recall your parents faces instead of his. He wasn't worth remembering.

“Your parents were war heroes, right? I read that somewhere. They were pretty fucking great if I recall the tales correctly.” He tries to lighten your mood using the memory of your parents achievements as bait. You decide to take it.

That day, you spent the entire night getting to know Karkat Vantas; you slowly opened up to him and vice versa. By the time the sun filtered through the tinted windows, you were both sitting back to back, your head resting on his shoulder as you told stories of your time in the academy. You felt at ease, not having to pretend around him. You knew your pretense was wasted on him anyway, he had seen your memories after all, but trying to tear down walls you had created so many years ago in so little time so difficult. He didn't say anything about it and you thank him for that.  
On the other hand, his prickly and intense personality seemed to be a cover up for his own secret, he had a caring nature that warmed your chest and made your bones feel soft. 

Karkat Vantas was a complicated puzzle, one you were curious to resolve.

_____________________________________________________

The drop, they say, is an adrenalin filled moment. You can feel your fingers twitch for a fight and the neural handshake can either make it or break it in this moment. It's the biggest test to pass but it's a moment filled with excitement and satisfaction.

Or that's what they told you because right now, you feel like you're about to puke yesterday's meal out. Your palms might be sweating but in this suit you can't tell. Something in your ear might be ringing. Oh fuck are you gonna pass out?

“Hey, fish brain. You OK? You look like you're having a panic attack and your thoughts keep drifting towards sweaty palms and bells.” He turns towards you and smirks. He looks like he's laughing but you're not sure because you suddenly forgot how to commence calibration. 

“Karkat, bro dude. I uh, shit. I can't really-”

“Dave, you're out of the loop. You need to stabilize your thoughts and calm down. Your heart rate is speeding and you can't be deployed in this condition. Get it together, asshole.” Dirk's voice sounds through the speakers and you tense. “Karkat, get him out of his mind and back on track!” 

Karkat sighs and pushes the button on his suit, disengaging from the mechanism, “Come on, Dave. You need to get it together, we need to go _now_.” He pats your cheek lightly trying to get you to focus. Funny enough the only thing you can focus on is his hazel eyes. How come you hadn’t noticed them? They have tiny flecks of amber and they’re fucking huge. “Dave, come on this isn’t the time for you to have some epiphany about my eye color, focus!” He shoves you even harder and you can hear Dirk’s pissed off voice somewhere in the distance.  
“Wait. Did you just call me Dave? Not assface or Strider, you actually used my name?” You blink at him in confusion making him roll his eyes and smile at you. Wow, another rare sight, a Vantas smile. He stares at you and shakes his head, heading back to his position. 

“Yes, now shut the fuck up and get ready. You’re wasting precious time we don’t have! Dirk-wad, we’re back in action, get to it!” He adjusts his gears and takes the hand piece for the calibration. “Stridouche, hop to it!” He screams at you and you smile.

“Yeah, bro. Alright, right arm calibration, commence!”

______________________________________________________

“I told you, pull the fuckin’ swords out you idiot!” The weight of the stupid Kaiju is increasing as you strain to deploy your weapons. Karkat clenches his teeth and takes a step forward pushing the monster and gaining back territory. “Do it now, Dave!”

“Deploy dual swords!” You grit through your teeth as you focus on pushing the monster back even more.

“Dual swords deploying.” The robotic voice announces as you both try to regain your footing against this massive beast. You feel the swords fly out from under your hands and jab themselves into the Kaiju’s shoulders making it shriek in agony.

“Fuck yes, finally!” Karkat sighs in relief and you feel his body tense. You don’t need to speak to know he’s going to throw the huge thing over your shoulder. You aren’t sure you’ll be able to handle the weight of this thing but who cares? You pick up the monsters weight, heave a little and just toss him over your back, easy. 

“Told you.” Karkat turns towards you and gives you a look that has your heart racing and your brain stopping.

“Yo, lover boy. Shits dead as hell. Haul your asses back to base, the teams on it’s way to pick up the remains.” Dirk’s voice says through the intercom. You cannot hate him more in this moment. You lock down the Jaeger and disengage from combat mode and into standby, pulling off your helmet in the meantime. Karkat follows your movements but stays surprisingly quite. 

“Neural handshake terminated. Mission complete.” the robot voice tells you both. Karkat groans and flicks the screen. 

“No shit, Sherlock. Thanks for informing us _after_ the thing died. Piece of shit machines.” He grumbles as he climbs out of the Jaeger head and out to the surface. His shoulders are stiff and he keeps avoiding your line of sight.   
When the recall team arrives, he rushes past you and into the helicopter as quick as he can. You sigh and your shoulders slump. He probably saw something, you know he did. Karkat hasn’t avoided you so much since the first times you trained together. He had changed around you, in a good way. Now? Now he’s avoiding you because you couldn’t keep your thoughts in check. You really do love to ruin things for yourself. 

As you get to the shatterdome, he jumps out of the helicopter and heads towards Kanaya. They speak in hushed tones as you inform the commander of the good news. Even as you try to focus on giving her the details of your battle, you keep looking towards Karkat.

“Mr. Strider? You seem very preoccupied with _other_ arrangements at the moment so I suggest you go inside, take a bath, have a good meal and get some rest. The first real life drift with a new partner can take it’s toll on one. I expect a full report tomorrow, yes?” Dolorosa pats your arm and you murmur a “yes ma’am” and shuffle off.

You decide to take your dinner to your room. You’re not really in the mood to have your friends poke at you and tease you for something Dirk has already filled everyone up on. You fill your tray with mash potatoes and a carton of milk and slip out of the cafeteria room before anyone even notices you.

You push open the door to your room and flop on your bed, carefully trying to balance your tray on your knees. You keep trying to find a way to fix your problem as you scoop a spoonful of potatoes and shove it into your mouth.   
Sure, you fucked up and unintentionally demonstrated your feelings towards Karkat but those feelings could easily be confused by brotherly love, right? Only problem is, you keep seeing the flash of the image of you holding Karkat’s hand and well, there’s no hiding that, is there? He probably saw it as well which is why he was staring at you with disgust. Or was it annoyance? The details are not important. And then Dirk fucks it up even more by acknowledging your mistake making everything even worse.   
You groan and hit the wall behind you with your head. Shits messed up.

You're in the process of trying to rip open your milk carton when two loud thuds sound on your door.

“I'm not here, please come back when I give a shit.” You say with a humorless voice. 

“Cut the crap, Strider. I'm coming in.” Karkat's voice sounds through the other side of your door making you freeze in place. Nope, he can't be here right now, you are _not_ doing this.

“You can't come in, I'm grossly indecent. My birthday suit is the only suit I'm sporting right now so kindly keep that door shut.” You scramble in your bed trying to reach your door and lock it before Karkat opens it.

“Bullshit. You're probably stuffing your face right now,” he swings the door open as your foot gets tangled in the sheets and you fall to the floor with a thud, “Well, this is much more embarrassing.” He smirks at you when you flip him off.

“Dude, you have no concern for people's privacy. How rude. No manners at all.” You kick the sheets off and lift yourself from the floor dusting off your hands.

Karkat sits on the edge of your bed and rolls his eyes at you, “I've literally been in your mind, there's practically no privacy between us.” His voice is stern and it makes you tense.

“Yeah… So! What brings you to my humble abode? Come to see the world's biggest mash potato castle?” You jab your thumb behind you towards the tray full of what seems to be a white mush.

“Yeah, because that's so fucking interesting. Look, Dave we-”

“Fuck come on, don't say-” you groan knowing where this is going.

“-need to talk about this. I'm serious. No stupid gags or ironic schticks. I just need to clear some things out.” He shrugs and looks down to his feet. His jaw is tense and he keeps scratching his neck nervously. 

“Shit, ok fine. You want to clear things out? Fine. Here's me clearing things out: I'm sorry, okay? I was out of place to assume this, whatever it is, was going both ways. You had just been acting so different with me I thought… Whatever, doesn't matter. My point is, I'm sorry and I'll keep it to myself. Just please don't ask for a change because I don't think I can take having another partner, not another one.” You sigh and clench your fists at your side. You might have raised your voice at some point, good job, Dave. You have no control over your feelings anymore. Control? What control? That shit flew out the window the moment Karkat came into your room. To make matters worse, Karkat is just smiling at you and keeping uncharacteristically quiet which is seriously pissing you off. He snorts and then erupts into a fit of giggles making your face heat up. 

“‘S not funny. I was being serious, bro. You don’t have to make fun of me. A guy tries to own up to his fuck-ups and some chump goes and laughs at him. This is why we can’t have nice things.” You throw your hands up in the air. He blinks owlishly at you and cocks his head to the side.

“You really don’t get it do you? Hey asshole, maybe next time instead of focusing so much on yourself, try to take the bridge to your co-pilots brain. Contrary to popular belief, it does work both ways.” He rolls his eyes and frowns at you which makes you frown in return because nothing beats Karkat’s smile. You both stare at each other until you finally process his words.

“What do you mean? I just lost the point of this conversation. _Way_ lost. Even more lost than goddamn Waldo in a candy cane convention. You get it? ‘Cause of the stripes and whatnot.” 

“Yes you idiotic tool, I indeed “got it”. I think the point of making an analogy is pretty much lost if you have to explain it. Even though I understood your shitty joke, you didn’t understand what I said to you. Let me make this a bit more clear: I was not mad at you for thinking whatever it is you were thinking about. I was mad because you never took the time to be upfront about it. It would’ve saved me a lot of time… Forget it, this is pointless. I don’t know what I wanted to accomplish coming here!” He grunts and gets off your bed, rushing past you and out the door before you even have a moment to think about his words. 

Which, once you do, you want to punch yourself in the face. Now he’ll definitely ask for a change in partners.

_________________________________________________________

The moment you are called on deck to suit up and get ready, your heart clenches and your chest hurts. Last week after your terrible talk with Karkat, he rushed out and left you gaping like a fish. He had avoided you completely and hadn’t said one word to you. The night before, you had seen him talking to Dolorosa, surely asking for a change in partner so when you head down to the suit-up area, you’re nervous.

As you walk down the stairs, boots sounding heavy against the metal staircase. Your palms feel sweaty so you rub them on your jacket sleeves furiously. 

“What did that jacket ever do to you?” His voice makes your head snap up and you swear you might have gotten some sort of whiplash. Too late do you notice that there’s a huge grin on your face that’s making you face hurt. “Why the fuck are you looking at me like that?” He frowns and holy shit your next move might make it or break it and by break it, you mean your face.

You pull him towards you by his arm and crash your lips against his. He freezes in place and makes a confused sound until you tangle your fingers in his unruly hair. He shifts in your arms and tugs you closer by the neck. This kiss is urgent at first but then it slowly changes into soft brushes of the lips and small sighs.

“Goddamit. I told you this would happen. Alright dudes, keep it in the drift.” Dirk says giving your shoulder a shove. 

“Fuck off, Dirk.” You say without moving far from Karkat.

“Ah, chums, we _do_ have a city to save.” Jake pipes up and you groan in frustration. You take a step back and smile at Karkat who’s face is resembling the color of your Jaeger.

“Young love.” Dirk says sarcastically.

“Fuck off!” Karkat and you say in unison.

 

Your tenth drift with Karkat is great. Even though you did have to go risk your lives trying to kill some giant alien shit, you at least got the satisfaction of flipping Dirk off from inside a Jaeger.

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know if I'll ever write anything for this AU again, if anyone thinks its worth exploring I'd be happy to indulge more into this strange AU!


End file.
